guide to breakups

The Beauty of Moving On

I try not to get too personal on here but writing is one of the best ways I know how to cope with anything in my life. I felt like writing about something that we all can relate to at one point or another in our lives, which is…heartbreak. Sometimes we are the ones suffering from it and sometimes we are the ones causing it. That is just how life works, no matter what side of the sword you’re on, simply put, it sucks. If you’re going through it now, I hope this helps make you feel a bit more optimistic, or puts things in perspective, and just overall helps you awaken from the cloud you may feel you’re under.

So when is it really over? When do you get up and walk from the table? Simply, when love is no longer being served. When respect is no longer on the menu. When your self love and self worth are all sold out. When you’re being treated as scraps when you deserve to be surf and turf. Once you finally figure out what respect tastes like, you will always always always choose it over attention.

I’m sure we have all found ourselves asking the universe for signs. We can ask all we want. But truthfully, we all already know the answer, right? If it is at the point where we have to ask for signs on if this whole thing is right and meant to be, clearly it is not. That in itself is a sign – but we see what we want to see, and when we are ready, we will see the signs we were searching for. Just be careful not to keep your eyes closed for so long.

When it’s done it is done. What is the use of picking up broken pieces off the floor? It could never look the same. It will never be the same. You hurt yourself in the process. The person who hurt you cannot be the person to fix you or save you. All of that has to come from you. I am not sitting here promising you will be healed of heartache the next day. No way. It is a journey. If love can fade, so can pain – and it will. You must grow through what you go through and learn to never settle in this life, ESPECIALLY when it comes to love. Your new life will cost you your old one, remember that. Not everyone you lose is a loss.

“Why should I be sad? I have lost someone who didn’t love me. But they lost someone who loved them.” Life doesn’t always bring you people you want to meet. Life puts you in touch with people you need to meet – to help you, to hurt you, to teach you, to love you, to leave you, to strengthen you and make you the person you were meant to be. Throughout that journey though, you must love yourself and be true to yourself. Sometimes we forget about all of that when we break up or when we are with someone for so long that they have clouded our judgement. Here are some of my tips for moving on and getting back to that place of self love. Once you love yourself, everything else falls into place.

  • Cry. This seems so obvious, but you need to cry. You need to let it out. Scream into your pillow. Go through a box of tissues. You just need to release the emotion, because when you bottle it up, it is like drinking poison, you will be the one continually suffering. My mom always said after a good cry, everyone looks prettier. Plus, I think the tears wash away all of that cloudy and dirty judgement we once had either about ourselves or the person we once loved.
  • Unplug yourself. Get off social media. Don’t post all those sad quotes or the revenge quotes. Who is it for anyways? They don’t care. They aren’t looking. Don’t post the sexy or seductive posts, you look like you’re starving for attention – and you may get it – but NOT from the type of people you want to attract into your life. Plus, the people you do want to attract, may steer clear from you as they may have a different perception. Don’t snap pictures of you out on dates or with other guys, it is immature, and makes YOU look bad once again. Lay low. Move in silence. Let them wonder what you are up to. I’d also “unplug” myself from constant reminders of them – take down the pictures, put the gifts in a big box and shove it in the back of your closet. Out of sight out of mind…
  • Keep busy to better yourself. Read a book, write a poem. Take those spin classes you always wanted. Take up painting. Go to the gym. Volunteer. Take up cooking. There is SO much you can do to preoccupy your time. Don’t spend it stalking them and seeing how they are doing or who they are with. Put. Yourself. First. Treat yourself to a manicure or a blow out and feel good.
  • Vent. Call your mom, call your best friend. Get their advice, and actually listen to it. No one wants to have the same phone call with you discussing the same thing, twenty more times. It is exhausting for them, and isn’t it exhausting for you too? The run around, the roller coaster of emotions? Get one big vent session going and really listen to those who have been in this situation before.
  • Stop overthinking. What is done is done. The more you overthink what you could have done differently, or what you maybe should have, or what they could have or should have done differently, you’re just hurting yourself. You need to focus your energy on you. Take the lessons you learned (there is always one with each relationship), and thank your lucky stars you got out of it before your world came crashing down. Yes, you will hear a song and it will remind you of them, you will see their favorite food or restaurant, you will smell their cologne or perfume, but with time, none of that will matter. Acknowledge the moment, acknowledge your feelings, but don’t succumb to those feelings and make them your permanent feelings. Take a deep breath, shoulder back, lift up that chin, put a smile on and carry on. Fake it until you make it.
  • Do not become who hurt you. I think this is the most important one. It is so easy to become bitter and hateful. It is so easy to turn into a monster, to even turn into the monster who hurt you. Never step out of character, for a character. Remain true to yourself. You are love. You are happy. That is your natural state. Everyone has their own demons, don’t let them walk through your head with their dirty feet, don’t become responsible for them. They are not yours to keep or fight.
  • Bless them. Forgive forgive forgive. Forgive your enemies, forgive everyone who hurt you. Wishing them bad is like drinking poison and expecting them to get sick. Bless them and move on. There should be no room for hate in your heart, only positive thoughts of you and what you are looking forward to accomplish and attract next.

Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know. Stay strong and focus on respecting and loving yourself, because if you don’t no one else will. You accept the love and respect you think you deserve. YOU GOT THIS! ❤ ❤ ❤ 

“Put on some lipstick darling and handle it”


 

 

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